How Could Anyone Hate Moulin Rouge?
by Axrahs
Summary: Organization XIII decides to have a play...well, Xemnas does, anyway. Zexion dies twice, Sephiroth shows up, Larxene's room is revealed...yeah, it almost has nothing to do with an actual play. Yaoi references.


I'm a really bored person, what can I say? Yet another random fic thingy I created out of boredom.

Disclaimer: Hahaha I did not forget this time! PH34R M3! I do not own Kingdom Hearts or Marilyn Manson or Moulin Rouge. Or the Disturbed lyrics that the radio plays in the fic. Or Disturbed.

And I suck at spelling. So if I spelled the names of the charries from Moulin Rouge wrong, sorry.

* * *

Roxas: Hey Axel, what's your favorite song? 

Axel: Forgiven. By Disturbed.

Roxas: Why?

Radio: To be purified in fiiiiiire! Anesthetic for the paaaaain! As the final words erupt from your mooooouth, who will remember your naaaaaame?

Axel: … that's why.

Demyx: That's very emo of you, Axel.

Zexion: Is there something wrong with being emo?

Demyx: (backing away) Nothing, of course!

Marluxia: I hate emos.

(GASP)

Demyx: Why!?!?

Roxas: You fiend!

Axel: …fiend?

Roxas: Don't judge me.

Zexion: How could anyone hate emos?

Marluxia: Because they sit in their rooms and cut themselves crying about how life sucks. AND they wear tight pants! Disgusting! Guys should not wear tight pants! It just shows off their… regions…

(SILENCE)

Larxene: (appearing out of nowhere) Emos are sexy. And so are their regions. Besides, Marly, you're gay, so why do you care?

Marluxia: (faints)

Roxas: I think you killed him.

Zexion: He isn't dead, idiot. Read the line above yours. He FAINTED.

Demyx: What are you talking about, Zexy?

Zexion: I…don't...know... (Jumps out of window)

Marluxia: See! Emos are suicidal! (Goes back to being fainted)

Larxene: I'm going to go photograph Zexion's bloody corpse. (Leaves)

Roxas: She scares me…

Axel: I'll protect you, Roxy!

Demyx: (mourning the loss of Zexion) Zexioooon! My Zexy…

(STARE)

Demyx: COMFORT ME!!!

Axel: It's okay, Demyx…

Roxas: It'll be okay…

Demyx: You're only saying that to make me feel better!

Roxas: Uh, yeah.

Axel: Pretty much.

Demyx: (Screams and jumps out of window)

Roxas: Is that counted as murder?

Axel: …nah.

Xemnas: (Bursts into room) Axel! Roxas! I have decided that for demented, unforeseen purposes, the Organization is going to put on a play!!

Roxas: …why?

Xemnas: For demented and unforeseen purposes!

Axel: What play?

Xemnas: I'm so glad you asked! We are going to enact Moulin Rouge!

Roxas: (with big anime eyes) REALLY!?! With Nicole Kidman and that other guy!?!

Xemnas: (also with big anime eyes) YES!

Axel: …what is Moulin Rouge?

Marluxia: Only the best movie ever!!

Axel: I though you were passed out…

Marluxia: (ignoring Axel) So what are the roles!?

Xemnas: I'm so glad you asked, Marluxia! I have decided that Roxas will play Christian and Axel will play Satine!

Roxas: (faints)

Marluxia: Brilliant! You are a genius!

Xemnas: I know.

Axel: Will one of you tell me what the hell is going on here?

Marluxia: Ah, Axel! You shall play a wonderful courtesan!

Axel: …a what?

Xemnas: A courtesan!

Axel: …

(10 minutes later…)

Axel: YOU WANT ME TO BE A HOOKER?!

Marluxia: (claps) Yes! You shall make a beautiful Satine!

Axel: (faints)

Xemnas: Hmmm. Where is Larxene?

Marluxia: Outside photographing Zexion's lifeless corpse. Ooh! What role will she play?

Xemnas: (shiny eyes) She shall be the duke!

Marluxia: (sparkle eyes) Marvelous! I love your ingeniousness!

Xemnas: Why thank you! I think I shall give you my brand new castle.

Marluxia: Yay!

(Hug)

Marluxia: To Larxene's room!

Xemnas: (equipped with superman cape) Wheee!

(Outside Larxene's Room)

Xemnas: Larxeeeeeeene!

Marluxia: Larxene?

Marluxia tapped lightly upon the door, causing it to fall open ominously. He stepped inside carefully, cautious of the dark surroundings. Xemnas shoved Marluxia aside and ran in.

"Well she left it open let's go!!" he exclaimed. Marluxia did not run in right away.

"Whoa… I didn't know her room looked like this!" he gasped. They were astounded because there was NO room; instead, a dark, eerie staircase leading down into the shadows of HELL! MUAHAHAHAHA! Not really. There were torches lining the walls. Not like nobodies really needed light. I wonder if it burns their skin.

Marluxia: I think the author is rambling again.

Xemnas: Oh well. Let's go down this dark creepy passage!

Marluxia: (completely distracted) Okay!

(At the Bottom of the Staircase…)

Xemnas: Larxene! We are here!!

Marluxia: (gasps) WTF? It's a torture chamber!

Larxene, who had been busy at work with a random victim -- who was strapped down to a table and bleeding rather profusely as she picked at him with random power tools – turned slowly to face her new vict—errr… visitors.

Larxene: It is NOT a torture chamber. It is an artistic outlet of creative violence.

Xemnas: Wonderful! And you shall be the duke in our Moulin Rouge play!

Larxene: Whatever. (Turns back to her artwork)

A loud cry for help rings out through the "artwork center". Marluxia and Xemnas turn to see Zexion and Demyx trapped in a suspended cage.

Marluxia: Weren't they dead?

Larxene: SILENCE!

Xemnas: Zexiooooon! You shall have a double role!

Zexion: …the hell are you talking about?

Xemnas: The Moulin Rouge play! You shall double as the Green Fairy and a can-can dancer!!

Marluxia: Marvelous!

Demyx: Yay!

Zexion: (dies)

Demyx: OH MY GOD, THEY KILLED ZEXY!! ZEXY? ZEXY!! NOOOUUUU! I MUST SEE ZEXY DANCE!! (cries)

Xemnas: Come now! To the stage! Take Zexion's corpse with us!

And so, Demyx realized that the cage was never locked and jumped out. Then Xemnas started signing "Like a Virgin". Which is actually funny.

Marluxia: Why is that funny, Mother?

Because I said so. And because Xemnas is not really like a virgin at all. And don't call me Mother. I might get sued.

Then Xigbar appeared out of nowhere.

Xigbar: Hey guess what I learned today in Vexen's Sex Ed!

Marluxia: (intrigued) What?

Xigbar: Dolphins have sex for pleasure!

Marluxia: ….how nice for the dolphins…

Xemnas: I hate Dolphins. Horny bastards…

Demyx: SAVE THE DOLPHINS!

Xigbar: So what are you all up to?

Xemnas: A play!

Xigbar: Right. Well I'm leaving.

Xemnas: You wouldn't, by any chance, know where Lexaeus is, would you?

Xigbar: Uhm I think he's still in the lab with Vexen.

Marluxia: Ah! And who shall he be?

Xemnas: Zidler!

(Hug)

**(Author's Note: I actually wanted Xemnas as Zidler... but whatever...)**

Meanwhile, in a far away place, a psycho name Sephiroth felt his Xemnas-is-hugging-another-guy senses. He leapt from his bed, scrambling to dress himself. Another person was awakened by his sudden rush.

"Where ya goin, Sephy?"

Sephiroth almost forgot about the psycho goth dude in his bed.

"Oh, sorry Mary, I've got to leave for awhile. I shall return… EVENTUALLY!" Sephy exclaimed. The goth laid back down, sighing.

"It's Xemnas again, isn't it?" he asked. Sephiroth threw open the window.

"Do not fret, Mary my love, I shall return before tonight!"

"Okay!" cheered the goth.

With that, the One Winged Angel leapt out the window and began to fly…somewhere…

(Back With the More Important Characters…)

Xemnas, Marluxia, Xigbar, Larxene, and Demyx carrying Zexion came into the giant white room with a stage.

"I didn't know we had a stage…" Xigbar muttered. Marluxia snorted.

"Because you never looked for it."

Xigbar raised an eyebrow.

"You looked through the castle for a stage?" he asked.

"Psssh…n-no…course not…pfft…"

And so, Sephiroth flew through the roof, leaving a gaping hole in the ceiling.

Xigbar: Shit…

Demyx: Pretty wing..

Marluxia: (big shiny anime eyes) Xemnas who is this!?!?

Xemnas: Why are YOU here!?!

Sephiroth looked hurt. Rather than dying his hair and styling it to look like Zexion's, he just pouted.

Demyx: Ooohhh! It's Xemnas's ex boyfriend!

Xemnas: (cries)

Marluxia: Heeey, you single?

Sephiroth: No.

Xemnas: Why have you returned to uncover the pain of the past!?

Sephiroth: …

Xemnas: Just go back to your bitch!

Sephiroth: …Mary?

Xemnas: YEAH!

Demyx: GASP! He has a bitch? Who is it?

Xemnas: Marilyn Manson!! HE LEFT ME FOR MARILYN MANSON!

Zexion: Marilyn Manson is your boyfriend?

Sephiroth: No. He's my bitch. There's a difference.

Zexion: (whisper) Is there any way you could get me an autograph?

Demyx dragged Zexion away angrily.

Larxene: Want me to kill him, Xemnas?

Xemnas: (sniff) Yes…

Larxene: (grinning widely) Any preference as to how?

Xemnas: (sniff) Just… (sniff) tie him up… (sniff)

Larxene: And?!?!

Xigbar: Jeez, Larx. Don't have an orgasm…

Larxene: (kills Xigbar)

Xemnas: Tire him up…and…make sure he's naked, and… (sniff)…leave him in my room…

Larxene: (bitch slaps Xemnas) Whore.

Larxene storms out of the scene, leaving Sephiroth, Xemnas, Marluxia, and Xigbar's corpse.

Marluxia: Soooo…Sephy, why don't you call your boyfriend and we'll all have a foursome!

Sephiroth and Xemnas: Is that even going to be possible?

Marluxia: Yep, yep!

Sephiroth and Xemnas agree, call Marilyn Manson, and the four weirdos have a foursome in the library. Larxene then castrates Marilyn Manson, but the other three escape.

THE END

Axel: Not really. The play is in the next chapter.

Roxas: (blushes) Yeah…

Axel: I think the author is on crack.

Roxas: Seriously.

Axel: We were passed out for the whole episode.

Roxas: Kinda. And Xemnas didn't even finish recruiting the cast.

Axel: And Zexion died again. Twice.

Roxas: And we all love Zexy.

* * *

Yes. That did make sense. And I may or may not post what happens in the play. If I do end up writing something for it, you can bet that it will be worse than this one in the sense that... it makes NO sense. So there. Luff me because... I'm special. 

Oh and the whole Marilyn Manson and Sephiroth thing.. well, credit for that goes mainly to my good friend Roxecy (who is not on this site, he's a friend in real life) who actually wrote something about Sephy and Mary... I borrowed his idea of the pairing, so yeah. And his name, Roxecy, is like mine, Axrahs, in that I took our real names and made them Organization names! Yay! I purposely made his name similar to Roxas and mine similar to Axel. Hidden meaning. Not really. Just mainly an inside joke. But ahh, I ramble. So yeah I don't know if that's a real person on this site or whatever, but yeah this guy isn't on this site so... just don't sue me.


End file.
